But mysteries remain…
Finally the eternal question is asked and answered.
ERdR’s GM Nils Coq au Vin and LU’s co-Head of Baseball Operations Smelly Feathercheese celebrate the close of their six player trade involving Nathan, Grilli, Hellickson, Rosario, Franklin and Vizcaino at Equipe’s offseason field office, Pour George, in the West Village. Sources indicate that BB’s Ricardo Montalban attended the talks and that the post-deal celebrations extended far into the evening hours.
Oppo Boppo’s media labs has taken the morose ramblings of ERdR and popped them into their word cloud generator. Click the thumbnail above (or follow this link) to view the horrifying results. Just interested in the transcript without the graphics? Here is it.
And there you have it. After a furious weekend of baseball, FC and LM have qualified for the finals. Congratulations to the two teams, who have taken two very different paths to the finals. Let’s take a look at what happened.
4. KOKO: The newcomer needed to get his offense going if he wanted a shot at the finals. Unfortunately, this was not to be. As perhaps the most succinct description of the squad’s troubles, the team put up a dismal .180/.235/.219 slash line on Sunday. With a line like that, not only was KOKO unable to catch up to his rivals in a couple key stats (HR and RBI), but he actually fell further behind in others (2B). In the end, strong showings from Dickey and Hudson were not enough to pull him through to the finals.
3. LU: Too little too late for LU. The hole that this veteran squad had dug itself into was far too deep to scramble out of in a single weekend. While he was able to catch up and snag a half point from LM in HRs (and held off others in SB and HR), he wasn’t able to make up the ground he needed to in QS and Ws despite pretty solid showings from Correia, Young and Hellickson over the weekend.
2. LM: As if foreshadowing what is likely to be an offense vs defense classic finals, LM continued to pummel his opponents with the bat on Saturday. A .390/.490/561 slash line powered by 7 2Bs was the result. In fact, those 2B were exactly what he needed to guarantee himself a spot in the finals as it pushed him past both KOKO and FC for tops in the category. Unfortunately for LM, he wasn’t able to further close the gap on FC’s pitching dominance, despite throwing out a quintet of decent starts.
1. FC: There was little doubt going into the weekend that FC was blessed with the enviable position of being able to coast a bit. Don’t get us wrong, the pitching gods still smile upon this Adonis as his squad was actually able to slightly improve his line to a ridiculous .1887 BAA / 2.476 ERA / 0.919 WHIP / 3.43 KBB. But on the offensive side, while he managed to hold serve on 3B vis a vis LM, he ended up losing ground in 2B. That could be costly going forward, as that was one of the few offensive categories at which FC is even remotely competitive with LM.
Things just got a lot more interesting in the LOWV playoffs. With just two days to go, a resurgent LU and a stumbling KOKO have added considerable drama to the last weekend of the second round. KOKO and LU are now tied for third at 52 points, only 2 points behind LM who is currently in sole possession of second place and a ticket to the finals. Let’s break it down:
3. (tie) KOKO: He swept through the first round of the playoffs and deep into the second round in a virtual tie for first place with FC. As during the regular season, his rise was driven by a Tolstoyian strategy of pure attrition - streaming faceless arm after faceless arm at the pitching cumulative stats in an attempt to overwhelm and subdue his opponents. Some speculate that perhaps this strategy has found the point of diminishing returns. KOKO’s real chance to steal back a trip to the second round lies in just a handful of categories: 2B (tied with LM, 2 back on FC), HR (1 back on LU and 2 back on LM), RBI (2 back on LU), HD (1 back on LM, 2 back on FC). However, he is prone in a couple other key stats and needs to be careful about slippage: W (1 up on FC, 2 up on LU), SV (2 up on FC). KOKO has Cy Young contender Dickey (Sat vs MIA) and future hall of famer Hudson (Sun @ PHI) left to go.
3. (tie) LU: Meanwhile LU has bet the farm on an audacious plan that sees him punting all of the pitching ratios and banking on a thunder and lightning approach to offense - power and steals - driven by rookie of the year Mike Trout. LU has snuck his way back into the conversation, but needs to made some headway in a couple key stats to make it through: H (6 back on LM), HR (1 back on LM), K (7 back on FC), QS (1 back on LM, 3 back on FC), W (1 back on FC, 2 back on KOKO). In addition, he needs to watch out he isn’t caught in a few stats: HR (1 up on KOKO), SB (2 up on LM). Also a CG from FC would seriously cut into his chances down the stretch. LU has Correia (Sat @ HOU) and Young (Sun vs MIA) left to go.
2. LM: By contrast, LM’s success has been driven almost exclusively by an overwhelming show of force on the offensive side, while betting on big showings by Verlander and his stellar pen. LM can solidify his hold on second by focusing on a few key areas: 2B (tied with KOKO, 2 back on FC), RBI (2 back on LU), SB (2 back on LU), QS (2 back on FC), W (2 back on LU, 3 back on FC), SV (1 back on FC), HD (1 back on FC). Danger lurks though in many areas: HR (1 up on LU, 2 up on KOKO), QS (1 up on LU), HD (1 up on KOKO). Smith (Sat vs CLE), Gallardo (Sun @ WAS), Nolasco (Sun @ NYM), and Burnett (Sun @ HOU) are scheduled to go for LM.
1. FC: Not to be lost in the lilliputian drama is the fact that FC is still absolutely dominating the field on the back of some of the most sensational pitching ratios ever recorded. After nearly three weeks of play and 174.1 IP he has put up a mind altering, face melting line of .192 BAA/ 2.42 ERA / 0.93 WHIP / 3.29 KBB. FC can lock this down if he puts up gains in just a handful of stats: 3B (2 back on KOKO), SB (2 back on KOKO), W (1 back on KOKO), SV (2 back on KOKO). Also if he can stop giving up the long ball he could add a point (2 more than LM) or notch a CG (1 back on LU). The soft underbelly of FC can be found with a few carefully aimed pokes to: 2B (2 up on LM and KOKO), 3B (1 up on LM), K (7 up on LU), W (1 up on LU, 2 up on LM), SV (1 up on LM), HD (1 up on LM, 2 up on KOKO). He also needs to keep an eye firmly on the likes of KOKO and LM’s pitchers, as a CG from either will shave a half point off his totals. The prohibitive favorite to qualify for the finals (and take the title) has Haren (Sat v CWS) and Minor (Sat @ PHI) left to go.
So let’s get fired up and remember there can only be one.
After some tense initial moments, DLBP and Guapo are now staging a full blown love fest as the CTU Summit festivities continue. In an effort to bury the ill will of the past 5+ seasons, they had a catch by the Golden Gate Bridge.
El Guapo and D’Lucious Bitch Pies finally meet in person outside of one of San Francisco’s five hundred bong emporiums. Despite his noted online bluster, Guapo offers his LA rival detente and a peace pipe. DLBP comes armed with a leafy branch and demands satisfaction, street-fight style. More on this breaking story as oppoboppo’s coverage of the CTU Summit continues.
A shockingly vicious beatdown is developing in the CTU. Longtime division champ and holder of the Lumber Vicious Rumors is laying an absolute smackdown on unBeleaguerable. At press time, Saturday night, the score is 20-1-1. Pedroia, Braun and Victorino have combined for 25 hits, 4 dongs and 2 stolen bags. Vicious Rumors is reasserting its power over the junior division and if this score holds up, would potentially soar to #1 in the division in a tie with unB.
Above, unB’s ragged forces attempt to rally after six straight days of annihilation.